Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
