so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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