Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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