whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
