Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize