PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
