I faked an abortion last night.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
jump out the window naked night went bad
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
