You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize