Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
