Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
