"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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