How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I wish you could order shots online.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
