Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
