Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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