I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
