Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
