I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I have demons in me.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
