she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
