so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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