It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
