Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
