you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
