I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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