He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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