If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
