big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
