so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I see more hoeing in ur future
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