Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize