Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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