I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
