I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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