I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
