We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
