hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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