i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
