Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
