what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
