who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize