fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
