I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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