U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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