Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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