This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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