I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
