I molested 6 butterflies tonight
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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