I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
