oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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