I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
