Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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