my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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