You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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