Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize