just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
