It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
