Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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