I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i wish my penis had a tongue
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
