I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
