Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Randomize
