so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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