You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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