I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Randomize
