so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
