You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
