yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize