okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
this boner is exhausting
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
