And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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