rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
