I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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