Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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