i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg šš
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I feel kind of like weāre in a gang and tonight is one of those āpeople are gonna know not to fuck with usā type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. Iām not really sure how I got to this point in my lifeā¦ but I like it.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Can I use your boat
Also, whatās the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? Itās the middle of the night
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