i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
