Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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