Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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