Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
