i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
