$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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