and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You need a sexual gate keeper
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
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